To 2011 -- And Some of the People Who Made It Exceptional -- With Love

Image: Petr Kratchovil

Some of my favorite and most meaningful New Year's Eves are like this one . . . curled up and reflecting on the year past and the year ahead. I've been absent from this blog for a few weeks now.  Things have been moving at warp speed here IDW. (That's In Deborah's World for any of you who need a reminder!)  So I spent Christmas with my beautiful sister and her husband (best brother-in-law on the planet -- maybe in the galaxy!) and my niece and nephew who taught me to play Mousetrap and watched Finding Nemo with me for the umpteenth time.  I know it doesn't sound very exciting but it was perfect.

Some extraordinary people entered my life this year -- and vice versa ;).  Here are some who have encouraged and inspired me most.  They're not in any particular order and it's not comprehensive but here are some of the people I'd most like to thank for helping me to take quantum leaps in 2011. A few of them I know only through their blogs, but they have defintely been part of my journey and I am SO grateful to them for their contributions.

Erin Clark -- I met Erin through Shanna Mann and The Impossible League. Erin taught me that when we are at war with our bodies, our spirit suffers. She says that your spirit ALWAYS loves your body; it's thrilled to have a physical vehicle and it chose the one you have.  She made me see this truth in a new way and now I can't NOT see it.  A gifted singer and an aerialist (!), Erin is also given to bawdiness when it serves the purpose of fun and I approve of this heartily! Thank you, Erin, for your magical, marvelous Self.  I'm SO happy to have you [back!] in my life!

Julia Valentine -- Julia and I met when I interviewed her for an article I was writing. By the time the article went live, we were fast friends.  Julia's mission is to help everyone make sure that the second half of their lives is the best part. This is especially impressive since she is still very much in the first half of her own journey. Her passion is born from the heartache of watching her vibrant grandparents get swindled and crumble in their later years.  She is smart, she is kind and she is funny and has a generous spirit . .  .all wonderful qualities in a friend.  She also has a mega-watt smile and a marvelous laugh. I'm so proud to call her my friend!

Rosie Molinary -- I love the internet because it makes wonderful writers like Rosie available everyday. Rosie's blog and books and her work as a teacher all are devoted to making women recognize their beauty. She helps us understand that there is nothing in a bottle or a tube that can trump what's already inside of us, just waiting to shine through.  Her writing is so warm and transmits such joy that I always wish I could dash to her kitchen for a cup of tea and maybe a crumpet . . . if only because women as warm and wonderful as Rosie are sure to laugh at words like crumpet!  Rosie, a million thank yous for sharing your wise and witty self so generously.

Thais -- Thais blogs over at Living in the (k)Now. She shares her triumphs and tribulations with such honesty and such heart that the beauty of her spirit shines through. I only wish I lived close enough to her to take her yoga classes. (I'm trying to get her to move to NYC -- suppose that's a tad selfish! But in my defense, she DID say that moving here is a dream she has!) Thank you, Beautiful Soul.

Lin Eleoff -- I met Lin the first night of the BlogHer Conference here in New York and liked her verve and panache and her slightly wicked sense of humor! Now that I follow her blog The Worst Mother Ever -- which is a) hilarious and b) features her own original drawings, I like her even more and am SO happy to have met her!! I can't wait to see her again! I see some umbrella drinks in our future . . . !

Kim Dinan --  One of my Stars of 2011, Kim blogs over at So Many Places. Kim and her husband Brian have sold their home and will soon be leaving on a round-the-world trip.  Kim is a 4H kind of writer -- honesty, heart, humor and home.  Why home? Because she has such a clear understanding that home is about more than four walls and a roof. Rather, it's something we carry within us.  I can't wait to follow Kim's chronicle of the adventures and discoveries she and Brian will share.

Vic Magary -- Vic is just one of the remarkable human beings I've met through Joel Runyon's Blog of Impossible Things and discovering Vic's blog was a real highlight of 2011.  Vic lost his business and, in the process, a lot of other things as well. He pulled up stakes and moved with his dog, Coda, to Texas for a fresh start. Vic is an inspiration.  He is direct.  He is candid. He is honest. And he is balls-to-the-wall BRAVE.  I admire him and am hoping that 2012 will bring him all good things.

Mara Glatzel --  Mara blogs over at Medicinal Marzipan about body image and self-love.  For me, her writing is the tip of the Mara iceberg though . . . beautiful, impressive and clearly a force of nature, but just about 1/10th of her massive grandeur and strength. Mara produces a daily body-loving newspaper with highlights from the best of the web, and she also is unfailingly generous and supportive of others, including Yours Truly. Because of Mara, I set up my Twitter account AND got my first followers. I met Rosie Molinary, Karen C. L. Anderson, Thais and lots of other wonderful bloggers through Mara.  Mara, you have my gratitude and devotion.  Thank you so much.

Andrea Owen -- Andrea blogs over at Your Kick Ass Life.  Like most of the others you see listed here, Andrea doesn't just talk the talk, she walks it. People who interest me are those who pull themselves up after life has kicked the spit out of them, and then focus on helping others up from the mud as well. Andrea took a situation that has flattened more than one of us, turned it on its ear and then used it as a platform to help others. Her positive attitude and gorgeous smile are happily infectious. She inspires me and I always enjoy checking in with her.

Jill Shapiro -- When vegan athlete and author of Thrive, Brendan Brazier, spoke at a Lululemon on the Upper West Side, Jill and I were both in the audience. We began to chat. We kept in touch. One thing led to another and now Jill -- who is a graduate of the Institute of Integrative Nutrition -- is my Wellness Coach. Because of Jill, I now avoid gluten, refined sugar, dairy and caffeine. If you had told me a year ago that would be remotely possible for me, I'd have been skeptical at best and might even have choked on my iced latte.  And this is only the beginning!! In March, I'll follow in Jill's footsteps and begin my own studies at IIN.  I love you, Jill!

Cyndie Suarez -- When Cyndie Suarez is an international superstar, remember that you read about her here first! Cyndie is co-founder of a holistic wellness center here in Manhattan called Love Your Transformation. As part of a new venture she's starting, Gorgeous U-niverse, she offered meditation workshops and while colonics were outside my comfort zone, meditation seemed not only do-able, but also attractive. Cyndie has great training and remarkable skills, and she is a gifted intuitive. Working with her as a member of the first Gorgeous U meditation circle-- at Jill Shapiro's insistence! -- has very literally transformed my life. Cyndie will be launching the Gorgeous U website and blog this year and  I can't wait to see what new adventures will unfold!

Matt Frazier -- I found Matt through Google, when I was looking for resources for vegan athletes. Matt blogs on just this subject over at the No Meat Athlete.  The blog is informative and inspiring but, for me, it was a portal to a bigger world. Like Mara, Matt has introduced me to incredible fellow bloggers and resources. In point of fact, it was Matt who led me to Mara! If I am any indication, I can only imagine what goodness is rippling outward from the work he does. Thank you so much, Matt! Maybe 2012 will be the year we meet face to face!

Joel Runyon -- Joel Runyon is a bad-ass. He's young. He's brash. He's impatient in the best possible way. And damn the boy gets things DONE! His list of the Impossible Things he accomplished in 2011 is daunting. If it stopped there, he'd be kind of insufferable. But it doesn't stop there. Joel's daring is exceeded by his kindness and his sincerity.  He launched the Impossible League and penned the Impossible Manifesto to help others reach for the best in themselves.  He's not really good at responding to e-mails, and I'm still a little peeved that he won't follow me on Twitter (maybe I'm too girly?) but overall, he's far too awesome for me to hold such trifles against him!

Patrick Hitches-- Patrick Hitches admits to being "a little bit crazy." I tell him in no uncertain terms that he is bat-shit crazy!! I've linked you to his 27 day training program for the Marine Corps Marathon. Yes. You read that right. In 27 days, Patrick trained for a marathon.  Then, he headed off to climb Machu Picchu. Because of Patrick, my own Marine Corps Marathon dream now has a firm Go date. And Machu Picchu is looking closer, too!

Daphne Cohn -- Daphne IS The Pleasure Nutritionist. I like her down-to-earth approach to nutrition and her dedication to helping other human beings awaken to the light of their own true natures.  She also has a generous and giving spirit, building bridges that connect like-minded spirits in powerful and playful ways. Daphne is based in Ithaca, New York, a town I like almost as much as the beautiful Cavafy poem of the same name.  Daphne, you are GLORIOUS!! Thank you so much for sharing yourself as you do!

Pamela Moss -- I signed up for an on-line workshop that Pamela offered this fall called The Clarity Course. It's not like me to do something like this . . . but 2011 -- particularly the fall of 2011 -- seemed to be the time for me to do things that were a little out of the norm for me. It was BRILLIANT! It was fun. It was practical and I felt as though I learned so much about clearing the path for what's really important. I have a one-on-one session slated with Pamela in a few weeks and I couldn't be more excited about it. She is a positive tour-de-force with a sincere dedication to helping others manifest their most heartfelt and creative dreams.

Kelly Lemons -- When two of my nearest-and-dearest wed in March, Kelly helped them to craft one of the most beautiful and poignant ceremonies I've ever witnessed.  I remember thinking that I couldn't have created a more intimate and loving ceremony for my much-loved friends myself, and that impressed me. (I've since learned that creating a ceremony that seems as though it was written by a best friend is a central goal of celebrancy.)  I also thought, "I could do that. And I could do that well."  Kelly met with me, told me of her own journey, and encouraged me to apply to the Celebrant Foundation and Institute (CFI).  I will complete the first round of my studies there in April of 2012 and my goal will be to create ceremonies that are as meaningful and loving as those that Kelly creates.

Marta Adubato and her 8:30 Circle -- Marta is my first instructor at the CFI and I feel so blessed to be one of her students. My whole body hums like a tuning fork when I read our assignments and discuss them in Marta's 8:30 Circle! Marta has a rich, honeyed voice that soothes my soul and makes me wish she could read me bedtime stories.  She is a strong and nourishing presence and I appreciate her and every one of the amazing and accomplished women who comprise Marta's 8:30 circle.

Each and every one of the individuals on this list has rocked my world and helped to make 2011 exceptional.   2012 is going to be a better year because of them so I'm sending love and gratitude to them.

Finally, each and every one you who reads this blog also has helped to make this year especially meaningful.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I am sending blessings to one and all for all the best in 2012. May you be healthy, happy and may you live out loud in the year ahead.

Pain

Talk about getting things in under the wire. This month's Self-Discovery Word by Word blog carnival word is Pain and there is a stellar -- and poignant -- essay on the topic over at Nourishing the Soul. I also was reminded to put my fingers to the keyboard by two of my awesome fellow Impossible-ites. (Are you a member of the Impossible League yet?! If you're reading this, you'd probably love the League almost as much as I do! "Almost" because NO ONE loves the League more than I do! Oh, sure, a few people love it as much, probably but nobody loves it more . . . what was I saying? Ah yes. Returning to the subject at hand.) Vic Magary included this post on pain, Shanna Mann had this to say and, although she's not an Impossible-ite (yet!) the impossibly awesome Mara of Medicinal Marzipan had yet another take on the topic. With all this yummy goodness on the topic what could I possibly have to say? Well . . . let's find out, shall we?! 'Cause I know I'm going to be surprised as I'm working in ephemera here, folks!)

My sister and I (brothers, too, come to that!) spent a significant portion of our formative years on military bases in the U.S. and various corners of the globe. So maybe it's not surprising that one of our favorite sisterly-bonding experiences is to watch GI Jane together. Again and again. (Yes. We're a little bit insufferable. But just a little bit. And by the way? Since I'm talking about GI Jane, let me add this to my Impossible List: I want to be able to do sit ups the way Demi Moore does them in the film. SO that's a Note to Self!)  But back to pain:

Here's a quote from the film:

Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain? ... It lets you know you're not dead yet!

Ah, yes. It's that last line that's the conundrum, isn't it? Pain reminds us that we're not dead yet. It may make us wish we were . . . but it's pretty clear proof that we're not.

The worst pain I've ever endured has not been physical, but emotional. Running a marathon? Even though at the end of both half marathons I've done to date I've been really grateful that there wasn't another 13.1 miles ahead of me, I still say: Bring it. I can do that. Getting back on my feet after surgery and finding that there was residual nerve damage so that walking or sitting produced a sensation akin to knives thrusting into my pelvis? Yeah, after six months of that I was exhausted. (Chronic pain is a BITCH.)  Calcific tendonitis? Worst pain I've ever experienced. On a scale of 1 to 10 that was 12.

But physical pain has such a short half life, doesn't it?  We push through it. We recover. It's over. Emotional pain? Not so much. Emotional pain is like a dirty nuclear bomb. It contaminates. It changes the terrain, It can mutate things born in the future.  The effects go on and on. 

I've said before that I think that those of us who are drawn to endurance events like the fact they are clearly defined: There's a starting line. And there's a finish line.  Life isn't nearly so tidy. It's not linear; it spirals like the strands of a DNA helix . . . up and down and back again! And damned if it isn't fraught with pain -- physical pain, emotional pain, even psychic pain.

And much as I love Viggo, I gotta say: Pain doesn't feel friendly.  But if you work through it and with it?  You'll emerge stronger and be more fully alive.

Foul Play

Photo: Peter Griffin
 
A two year old child is missing and I read that the police suspect "foul play."  Coming as this report did hard on the heels of the scandal at Penn State this week, and in that both cases involved children, the irony of the phrase struck me right between the eyes.  Foul "play."  What's happened is hideously foul but not remotely playful. 

I spent huge chunks of my formative years in "Happy Valley." I learned to swim there.(Thanks Aunt Daisy!) Saw my first R rated movies there. (Thanks, Sherril!) Read The Harrad Experiment with my cousin, Carolyn, sang Broadway show tunes with my cousin, Darlene, and tried to shoot pool with my cousin, Dominic. I went to art fairs on the PSU campus, ate ice cream at the Dairy Queen, watched re-runs of The Brady Bunch.  I don't know how Aunt Daisy managed it -- her four kids, a niece and two nephews for months on end -- but I'm so grateful that she did. It was idyllic time.  Idyllic enough to make the Nittany Lions "my" football team of choice, in spite of the fact that I scarcely know a tight end from a quarterback. 

Given the sense of personal connection, maybe it is not so surprising that I read the Grand Jury report on Jerry Sandusky and in spite of my churning stomach and brimming eyes, I couldn't seem to put it down.  In my state of horror, anger, disbelief, revulsion, I want to blame someone.  But, in good conscience, I'm not sure I can pin this on Joe Paterno.  Joe has a reputation for seeing the good in others; is it so inconceivable that when he looked at Jerry Sandusky he saw a man who was devoted to helping underprivileged youths? Is he to be blamed for not jumping to the conclusion that his friend was a sexual predator?  As damning as the testimony is, it's not clear that there was any cover-up on Joe Paterno's part. Maybe -- just maybe -- he couldn't think the unthinkable.

Hind sight is 20/20. Having read the transcript, it's tough to see how Joe and others in authority could have missed the signs and ignored the red flags, And therein lies the rub and the lesson for all of us. PAY ATTENTION. Don't think, "That couldn't happen here." or "I must have misunderstood." or "I'm sure I/you didn't see what I/you think I/you saw."  PAY ATTENTION. And, in the immortal words New Yorkers have come to know so well, "If you see something, say something." If no one listens the first time? Say it again. Say it louder! Yell it if you have to. Take out a billboard ad. 

When I was in elementary school, I befriended a sweet, gentle girl I'll call Veronica.  Her hair was always dirty; her clothes were shabby and often unwashed.  She smelled of woodsmoke and musk.  She had a delicate frame and, when she moved, she reminded of a small bird, like a wren, with a wounded wing. I liked to make her smile but even when she laughed, her eyes remained sad.  When we went to Junior High, I began to understand why.

In Junior High, after gym class, we all would shower together.  Veronica would try to wait, and either not shower at all, or shower afer everyone was gone. But she wasn't always able to avoid it, and so I wasn't the only one who knew why she was reluctant to bare herself in front of the other laughing 12 and 13 year olds.  Veronica's body almost always bore big, ugly bruises and angry red welts . . . the kind of welts raised when skin is lashed with a leather strap.  Truthfully, while the marks frightened me, I didn't understand what they meant until I was much older.  But I've always wondered why a grown-up didn't step in to intervene.  And then I wonder if it would have helped.  Our "justice" system is notoriously lax in protecting children; Penn State is just another microcosm that illustrates a much larger and deeper problem.

I don't know what happened to Veronica. My family moved to another country and I never heard from her again.  So, as an adult. I wrote a play about her; in it, she finds love and tenderness and redemption. I've been so haunted by her lo these many years that I had to give her a happy ending. Statiscally speaking,  it's unlikely that she found one. 

Jerry Sandusky's victims may not all bear the pysical scars of his lechery, but they've been marked by the abuse just the same. Is Joe Paterno to blame? Maybe. The truth is, there's plenty of blame to go around for not protecting them, but nothing we can do or say is likely to mitigate the damage that's been done.  Jerry Sandusky ushered each of his young victims into their own, private hell and, unfortunately, each and every one of them must now find his own way out.

"Blue Like Smoke"

Photo: David Wagner

Some of my absolute favorite musings on fall, from the incomparable Tom Stoppard's play, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead:

Guildenstern:   It's autumnal.

Rosencrantz:   No leaves.

Guildenstern:  Autumnal -- nothing to do with leaves. It is to do with a certain brownness at the edges of the day... Brown is creeping up on us, take my word for it... Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth -- reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light. At such times, perhaps, coincidentally, the leaves might fall, somewhere, by repute. Yesterday was blue, like smoke.

Wish I'd written that! (Thanks, Tom!)

Don't forget to turn your clocks back tonight and, you know, fall into autumn with abandon.

Chain-Chain-Chains . . . Change or Chains

Photo: Peter Griffin
Or something like that. (And yes, I'm parapharasing the lyrics by design.) 

There's a Chinese proverb/curse . . . and let me take a brief detour here to say how fitting it is that a culture that uses the same symbolic language for "crisis" and "opportunity" would also provide a proverb that may be  interpreted as a curse.  And we now return you to our regularly scheduled program . . .

The Chinese proverb/curse states: "May you live in interesting times." Is there anyone, anywhere on the planet who doesn't think this is one of the most "interesting" times in human history?  The ice caps are melting.  The trees are dying. Floods. Droughts.Blizzards. Heatwaves. Famine. And don't even get me started on the wars. The corruption. The crimes against humanity. YIKES!! If this isn't a Tiger/Bear/Strawberry flash of history, I don't know what is.

It's easy to think that the world is going to hell in a hand-basket so we might as well get out our fiddles and do a little dancin' before the flames reach us.  We may even be tempted to think that there's nothing we can do that will make a difference for ourselves or for the planet.  (Or, you know, maybe I'm the only one who ever has these thoughts. In which case I've just thoroughly embarrassed myself. But I'm betting that I'm not alone.)

Guess what? We're not the first generation to feel this way. (And, God willin' and the oceans don't rise, we won't be the last.) It's difficult to keep perspective when you're knee deep in the river and the water's risin', isn't it? But that's exactly what we must do.

Every generation has its moments of despair. For me, perspective comes by reading the words of those who have gone before us.  One of my favorites is this, which was inscribed on a tablet in Assyria, circa 2800 BC:

“Our Earth is degenerate in these later days; there are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; every man wants to write a book and the end of the world is evidently approaching.”


We have two choices: change with the world as the story unfolds, or remain chained to our fears. I choose change. I choose to work for the causes I believe in and my loved ones.  I choose to live my best life and do everything I can to make the world a little more beautiful and more homey. How about you?  If you're willing to roll up your sleeves instead of throwing up your hands in despair, we could really use your help.

Busy As A ....

Photo: Mike Coates

It's not that I don't have a thing to say . . . in fact, because I've been so busy, I have even more to say than usual! But (because I am buzzing around so. zooming from flower to flower, as it were!) I haven't been able to connect to my keyboard. But I'll be back soon and promise I'll share something sweet and tasty as wild honey!

Joy Compass

Photos: Anna Linkevich

See the little guy in the photo above? Not only is he a sharp dresser with a megawatt smile, he also has great taste in books!  That's a copy of my friend, Julia's, book, Joy Compass, that he's holding in his chubby little hands.

I have a copy of Joy Compass.  Not only is it autographed but, much to my surprise, I even got a shout-out in the Acknowledgments. (Woo-hoo!)  I won't lie to you . . . though I can't think of what I did to deserve the honor, I got a warm little glow when I discovered it!  But that's not why I'm writing this now.

Actually, I'm sharing it because it occurred to me that the incredible men and women who read my blog are EXACTLY the kind of people who would most appreciate this book.  And seriously? I think it's awesome. I haven't finished my copy yet, but so far I'm loving it!

That pretty lady -- also sporting a mega-watt smile! -- is the author of Joy Compass and a woman I'm very proud to call my friend. She is incredible. That warmth and openness you can see in the photo only get better when you meet her in person. She has an MBA from Columbia and a Wall Street career behind her but what gives meaning and passion to her days is her desire to help everyone experience what she calls "full-blast living."  (I just love that expression, don't you?!)

Julia and I met when I interviewed her about her book. We discovered we had a lot in common -- like a common love of books on neuroplasticity for starters, and decided it would be fun to meet for coffee. When we left the Brooklyn Diner after that first cup of joe, we walked to Central Park. It had just rained.  The grass was wet and the air had the glorious, fresh-washed scent that comes after a summer rainfall.  Dusk was falling.  As we strolled, we witnessed something neither of us had ever seen before. The lawn on either side of us was carpeted with the flickering lights of fireflies. I couldn't help imagining fairies, the sight was so magical. We're girly-girls -- and both a little given to shows of emotion! -- and the beauty of this brought us both to tears. We hugged and laughed at ourselves a little for crying and voila! A great friendship was born.

Since then, we've become fast friends and have happily found that we both love champagne, French desserts, men -- both domestic and imported -- and laughing 'til we can scarcely breathe.  Since I think of all of you who read my blog as my friends as well, I wanted to introduce you to one another.  I hope you'll pop over to Julia's website, stroll around a bit and then take your own copy of  Joy Compass out for a test drive. Don't let the word "retirement" scare you away . . . this book is really about self-discovery and it's GREAT if you're 20-something because you have more lead time than the rest of us!

If you do get a copy of the book, I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do mine and I'd love to hear about your experience with it if you'd like to share!  Here's wishing everyone a joy-filled weekend!